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Difference between revisions of "40d:Stories"

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-===They Tried, Anyway===
+{{Quality|Fine|07:29, 25 April 2013 (UTC)}}{{av}}
-The small outpost of Complexgate, founded by the Syrup of Murders, was founded far from the old mountainhomes of the Iron of Indignation, and its inhabitants expected to get plenty of harassment from the local goblins and kobolds with little support from the rest of the kingdom. What they didn't expect was to be beset every year by as many goblin warriors as there were dwarves in the fortress, envious of dwarven wealth and dwarven beards. Traps alone would not suffice to hold off the encroaching raider bands, and the Fortress Guard had to be kept in reserve as a last line of defense should the tunnels themselves be breached. The first batch of recruits came, of course, from dwarves who lacked any useful talents. With nothing else to lose, these soldiers accepted that they would be expected to lay down their lives for the fortress.
+==Something Awful - Let's Play Dwarf Fortress==
+'''IMPORTANT: The amount of cursing used in the following stories <s>is very bad</s> would make a dwarf's head explode. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.'''
-After months of drilling and training, the militia came to be good friends, with each other and with the Fortress Guard, and love blossomed amidst the camraderie in more than one instance. Two of these star-crossed lovers were Domas Oddomegast and Dodok Athelerib, a pair of noble, full-bearded souls who were admired and well-liked by the whole fortress. Alas, tragedy befell when the fisherdwarves were ambushed by a lone goblin maceman before Complexgate's southern entrance (the Syrup of Murders has more than lived up to that name; it's very easy to get lost in Complexgate). The first to arrive on the scene as Bomrek Risentashem breathed his last was Domas, gripping his steel hammer with determination no softer than the cold metal. The goblin scarcely threw its shield up before Domas crushed it to the ground, smashing its chest in through its thick iron mail.
+===Boatmurdered===
+The one that started it all. Read it [http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Boatmurdered/intro.html here]. (Note that Boatmurdered is from a quite old 2d version of the game, and should probably be in [[23a:Stories]] if that page gets constructed.)
-Yet no sooner had Domas claimed victory, lifting his warhammer and shield in exultation while Dodok and his fellow soldiers looked on with smiles and cheers, when a iron-tipped arrow zipped down from atop the westward cliff and bounced off the rocks at Domas's feet. Cold horror gripping his heart and slowing his thoughts, the hammerdwarf could only look up the unsympathetic chalk rock face, to the dark figures standing atop, silhouetted by the setting sun. Finally urging his sluggish body to motion, he made a desperate dash for the fortress doors, but it was too late. Clever goblin eyes picked out the chinks in his formidable steel plate, and cunning goblin fingers sent cold metal piercing through those gaps; in a hail of goblin arrows, Domas cried out and fell, never to rise again, hammer and shield falling from his lifeless grasp as his lover and friends looked on helplessly, in horror.
+===Headshoots===
+The modern equivalent of Boatmurdered. Read it [http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Headshoots here].
-Dodok was never quite the same after that. She threw herself into every sparring match; soon she surpassed poor Domas in mastery of arms, becoming one of the mightiest soldiers of Complexgate. Yet perhaps she worked too hard; it was not at the hands of goblins that she met her end, but her fellow dwarf and friend, the morose Hammer Lord Rith Rithodgub, who accidentally struck her down while they sparred. Rith had lost his own lady love, Ber Rithkodor, to the goblins before killing one of his remaining friends. Already inclined to sadness and melancholy, Rith lives on, though almost all of his comrades from the old days have perished in battle, and the thin-bearded striplings who have taken their place cannot understand why his voice quivers sometimes, and his hands shake pathetically when they are not clutching hammer and shield.
+===Syrupleaf===
+The sequel to Headshoots, being just as epic, and even longer. Read it [http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Syrupleaf/index.html here].
+==Archives==
+*[[Stories/Archive 1]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 2]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 3]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 4]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 5]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 6]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 7]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 8]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 9]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 10]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 11]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 12]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 13]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 14]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 15]]
+*[[Stories/Archive 16]]
-----
+[[category:Stories]]
-===The Situation Worsens===
-(read the below introduction or just view the image with knowledge that this is my first fortress)
-It was my second spring, and my already bad situation was becoming worse fast. After jumping into the world for the first time with my wiki-supported build, i was working my way through my first year. It was going relatively well, as far as I knew, but I was slowly running out of supplies. By the time the traders came for the first time I wasn't prepared. Though, driven by the knowledge that my meat supplies were already naught, I quickly build a trade depot and managed to trade a mechanism for a small portion of meat. Admittedly, I did not build these to trade them. Sadly the stone items I had crafted for trading were sacrificed to their dwarven leader due to a large misreading on my part. This is a mistake which, I can only assume, was the trigger for my problems in the future. As the trading caravan moved away I tried to prepare for a long winter with low supplies. My food quickly ran low and, left only with seeds due to a large farming accident involving a (poorly)controlled flooding system, most of my dwarven inhabitants were soon hunting for vermin to survive. Though my hope was diminishing I kept struggling to keep my team alive. One day as I was orchestrating their movements I glanced to the bottom of my screen, and to my amazement I read the words "Spring has arrived!". I was not only delighted, but now filled with ideas and hope. So i began to work towards recovering, but because of my lacking knowledge and experience (not to mention the constant flooding of my farm), I could only maintain my current state. I worked along, but one day...
-[[Image:damn.png]]
-(I wasn't quite expecting the 18 new immigrants in the middle of spring...
-----
-===invasion of the ratmen===
-It was the third of autumn of the dwarven expedition to this mountain. Everything was great. They were trying to build over the monstrous magma river. All effort was put on getting the steel for the bridge. The outposts warrior was out getting wood for the winter. Then the ratmen came. The dwarves had met them before. Two or three at a time. This was the ratmen's final attack on the dwarves. 20 ratmen snuck up on them killing all but the dwarf far away. When He came back he went crazy, killing all, or so he thought. One last ratman snuck up and pushed the brave dwarf off the edge falling to his death.
-----
-===A harsh winter===
-It was a harsh winter, my barreled fish had run out all too soon. My Dwarfs were miserable, some had resorted to vermin. My fisherdwarf was being enterprising, fishing alone in the cavern stream. Unfortunately frogmen jumped from the icy waters and surrounded him biting and pummeling him. He was rescued but the event caused him to lose what little was left of his sanity. He began to start fist fights.  He started one with the metal worker, the fisherman's faithful dog interrupted him - he took out his cross bow and shot his only pet dead. (He was later killed by the rest of the dwarf clan.)
-----
-===A small problem===
-Sankis got that small problem after trying to flood a room:
-[[Image:Lolflood.jpg]](picture currently doesn't work)
-----
-===The Dog Dwarves of Inktin===
-In the year 1052 they arrived at the site of their future mountain fortress, hungry, tired, cold, and with a wagon full of dogs and rum. The rum was quickly drunk, but the dogs stayed with the dwarves as they carved out their home. The dogs... they multiplied. Soon they outnumbered the dwarves many times over. As a visitor in a passing caravan or as a new migrant, you'll find that their home is the safest in all the lands, being guarded by endless hordes of vicious wardogs.
-If you spent any time around them however, you'd find them a bit peculiar. They wore leather, lots of it. They made fine crafts of stone and bone... lots of bone. And their larders were always well stocked with meat that tastes unlike most meals that you'd find anywhere else. At that point a thought would strike you and you'd excuse yourself, edging your way out the dining room then running for the exit and your trading wagons, eager to flee, past the kitchen doorway, through which you'd see lots of adorable little puppies milling about a large slab, covered with blood and with a cleaving knife laid across it, a steady stream of bones and hides being borne out towards the workshops.
-They really do love their dogs at Inktin.
-----
-===Parabolart's Carpenter===
-"Great. My carpenter got possessed and all he made was a wooden barrel. He gave it a name though!" -- parabolart
-----
-===The Lunatic Child===
-Right before our second winter, a child was born - as his mother was attacked by a pack of frogmen at the well. Strategic parts of the ceiling collapsed on the frogmen and a pair of marksdwarves down the hall opened fire, slaying the intruders where they stood, even as the child Edem came into the world. Edem's mother, Lokem, died of thirst in the winter: she was so distraught over her rambunctious son that she never took a drink of water. At the beginning of the following summer (our third at Netdune), Edem was possessed by a fey spirit. Into a craftdwarf's workshop, he took a turtle shell and two rolls of cloth, one of pig tail and one of spider silk. A month later, he emerged a Legendary Bone Carver. In his Extremely Tough hand lie Onshenfikuk Dalkamkizest Ozor, or "Chantfields the Lean Zeal of Subtetly." Edem had changed: he was Strong and Very Agile, and still less than a year old.
-----
-===My First Fortress===
-As I said, the fortress I'm playing is my first, and I assumed it was doomed. I never got farming going the first year, and I was low on food through the winter. I read here about slaughtering mules and horses, so I did that, and that helped. Although when the first horse was slaughtered like 6 dwarves gathered around and then were kind mopey about it having "witnessed death." Then in early spring, when the farm got running (I never did make a working floodgate, but I just let the river flood my fields) I figured I might just make it. Then the frogmen came and attacked my farm. They struck down one of my peasants but the rest of the dwarves beat the frogmen with their bare hands.
-Then a trapper started throwing a tantrum. She was doing it in her sleep, so I look, and she was married to the dead peasant, AND had a miscarriage, so was distraught over that. I was going to put a door on her room and lock her in, but she got better. But then later on when the human caravan showed up (with nothing but food ) she went nuts again and struck down a peasant herself. Then she ran off next to the lake and I figured she'd mope herself to death.
-Nope. She eventually came back in and started hitting people. The carpenter smacked her right in the head (yellow!) and she finally went back to her room to lie down. I ordered a door put on her room but she went nuts when the laborer came by to do it and ran out (with a wounded head!) and smacked a jeweler in the head as well. Finally I got a door on her room, and when she went back in, I locked the door. So now she's in there raging and throwing tantrums, but I am NOT going to let her out. I've lost enough dwarves over all her PMS.
-''-- Doctor Zero (Aug 21, 2006)''
-Postscript: She eventually calmed down and hadn't thrown a tantrum for quite a while, so I started feeling bad for her. Who wouldn't go a little nuts after losing a husband and baby? So I let her out of her room, and she immediately runs down to the dining room and strikes down a peasant. Before I can do anything about it, a dog comes out of nowhere and rips off her arm and tears out her abdomen. She struggles with the dog for a while, rapidly losing strength. She finally slips unconscious. The dog, now tired from the struggle, proceeds to slowly (and I mean SLOWLY) tear her apart limb from limb right there in the entry to the dining room. It took so long, she woke up halfway through and started struggling with the dog, but only having one good limb at this point was kinda detrimental. She finally bled to death.
-----
-===The Secret Desire===
-A healthy colony of dwarves was bolstered by the arrival (as usual) in early fall of a metalsmith. She was a hearty and jolly spirit named Etur, and she worked hard to become a part of the thriving community.
-Soon after Etur arrived, a trader caravan of two mules was spotted in the distance, across the river. Unfortunately, that side of the river was also the domain of a crazy herd of elephants, and some vicious tigers. As the caravan drew closer, the elephants charged and stomped one of the mules and it's attendant. The rest of the caravan was scattered to the four winds, and the corpse remained with oodles of booty for looting laying out on the ground around the mule's corpse.
-After some quick raiders managed to bring some bolts of silk back to the fortress, Etur was entranced by the beautiful fabric. She thought of nothing more all day than getting herself a bolt and fashioning a dress, and maybe a collar for her cat. But the elephants and tigers across the river meant that salvaging anything from the corpse was risky.
-But one night, while the rest of the community lay snuggly in their beds, Etur and her cat set out towards the river. After crossing the bridge and seeing no Elephants in sight, Etur made a mad dash for the stash, kitty in tow. But just as she began to head back, silk tucked under her arm and cat chasing behind her,a rogue elephant came charging after her. She ran as fast as her stumpy little legs could take her. In a heartbeat, she was across the bridge and heading for home, but the elephant stormed across and stomped her into paste.
-As the insane pachyderm left her corpse behind, Etur's cat cuddled up at her lifeless feet. Her comrades remained asleep and did not find her body until the next morning.
-----
-===The Tragic Miner===
-Kol Sedilònul had a good life at the fortress of Atöllogem (translated as "Findpaint" in the human tongue).  She worked hard day in and day out at her mining duties, and attained the rank of Legend.  How could she have know that the day ònul Eraraban arrived at the settlement would be the beginning of the end for her?
-Despite the master's prohibition against hunting, ònul set out for the wilds immediately after arriving to see what beasts he could trap or kill.  Unfortunately, he decided to try his luck against a herd of gorillas.  Even more unfortunately, he lived through his massive head injuries and managed to crawl back to the barracks.
-For the next year, ònul spent his time tantruming in the corner bed, refusing to let his wounds heal.  One day he finally snapped, took up his crossbow, and shot three other dwarves before being put down by the highly trained swordsdwarves of Atöllogem.  One of those three was Kol.
-Though she took only a glancing blow to the head, Kol was never the same after that day.  She found herself losing consciousness on the way to the dig sites.  When she woke up, she would painfully crawl back to her bed, by which time she felt strong enough to go back to work, only to pass out again and again.
-On the final day of her life, Kol felt herself swooning.  She summoned all her rage, fought back against the darkness, and stayed on her feet.  She knew she couldn't go on like this... so she went straight to the only bridge across the cave river and dropped it out from under herself, frustrating the sheriff, who despite his best efforts couldn't shackle her drowned corpse. Kol had washed up on the far side of the river, just a few paces away from the newly dug tombs.
-----
-=== Olon the Kinslayer, leatherworker of Yore ===
-So I barely made it through the winter. Didnt have to eat the dogs, but I was at the point where half my dwarves were hunting for vermin, while my few desperate fisherman fished up a storm from the underground river, and tried to clean the damn things at a pace to meet demand. Lost a dwarf to starvation, but made it to spring and finally got some crops in the ground. My early spring migrants doubled my population, bringing all sorts of useless talent (oh hurray... more jewelers...).
-The only solution of course was to make the jewelers hunters. Armed with the few crossbows I had around, or their fists, Olin and Edem set out to hunt deer. Edem has become a rockstar, [[wrestling]] 5-10 deer to death, occasionally deigning to fire fish bone crossbow bolts to do the job. Olin on the other hand got his ass handed to him, and is currently being starved to death in his room.
-Now then, this finally brings us to my story. As a result of having all this deer carcass to process, I set the butchery to repeat butcher, and rooted around to find my one novice butcher, and set him to work. A day or so later, tragedy strikes. "Olon Erithseneb has been taken by a fell mood! Olon Erithseneb has killed Vabok! Olon has claimed a butchery!"
-So here I am panicking a moment. As I take a look, it appears he entered his little craftsmen's trance, seizing the butchery for his holy/unholy work (already I am a little concerned). As my butcher was currently in there trying to butcher deer at a frantic pace, murder was obviously the answer.
-So after a day or so of dedicated work, Olon emerges victorious having created this:
-''    Olon Erethseneb has created Kessoshosh, a dwarf leather leggings!''
-Now unless I am misunderstanding this, his fey trance led him to murder a fellow countryman.... and create pants from his still bleeding corpse.
-Simply stunning. He is of course a legendary leatherworker now... I can only hope he will be happy working with more mundane materials in the future....
-----
-=== The Goblin Siege ===
-In the early spring of 1058, the glorious dwarven fortress of Faththatthil, or "Sackautumn" to the merchants, entered the 6th year of its reign. Nearly 100 dwarves had hollowed a massive dwelling out of the sheer mountainside. Food and drink were in plenty, all dwarves were content, and children roamed the halls.
-Without warning, the Dwarves were suddenly besieged by a massive host of Goblins. The moat ringed the outside perimeter of the mountain, called Shantytown for its hodgepodge collection of workshops. There were three entrances, the North, South, and West bridges. All of the local soldiers were standing down, practicing archery, or sleeping in their beds. They were quickly roused by a call to arms. Dwarves ran through the halls, grabbing weapons, shoving on armor, drafting a militia.
-The ragtag group assembled on the West Bridge, guarded by a now ammo-less ballista. It's sole shot had been used to destroy a renegade carpenter, and had not been reloaded recently. First one squad arrived, then two, then nearby dwarves were drafted and sent to pick up crossbows. The defense looked like it had a chance. The goblin horde rolled across the plains, heading south along the river to the bridge. The goblins numbered at least 15, and were bringing foul dogs with them.
-By now all nearby dwarves had been enlisted, and they were standing grimly at the West Bridge. Only a handful of soldiers and an equal number of conscripted miners and carpenters were there. Kogan Keskalolin, the founder of Sackautumn, was at the head of the pack. A massive dwarf hefting an iron pick as though it were so little weight, he inspired the others. The Champion and Captain of Sackautumn remained inside, readying a secondary defense and patrolling the traps.
-The goblins came, blotting out the sky with arrows. Shafts rained down on the dwarves, piercing flesh and armor. The dwarves mounted a shaky charge, faltering under the horrific onslaught. One dwarf was down to arrows, now two, several more wounded and bleeding. Finally they reached the goblin lines, hacking and bludgeoning. Heads and limbs flew through the air, and the goblins routed. All of the fleeing goblins were cut down easily. Unfortunately a band of looting monkeys attempted to raid the battlefield, but the weary veterans quickly destroyed them.
-West Bridge was littered with the dead and dying, covered in fallen armor, weapons, limbs, and blood. Slain monkeys added a touch of humor to the macabre sight. Kogan Keskalolin, the Eldest Dwarf, had fallen in battle, and the Fortress mourned.
-All in all 11 goblins had been killed, with the loss of only 4 dwarves. The siege was lifted and the dwarves began replenishing their depleted army.
-Unfortunately, only a few months later, the goblins returned. This time there was a full 30 of them, each bringing a pet beak dog with them. The ponderous Human caravan was brutally massacred and 30 dwarves were slain alongside it. The goblins were eventually killed after breaching the fortress and catching the attention of the fortress guard.
-The dwarves, sick of so much death, relocated to a new fortress.
-----
-===The Doom That Came to Ghostgates===
-Ghostgates, the most staggering and impressive dwelling of the Dwarves
-in all of Emeecamo, the Land of Prophecy, had a small amount of trouble
-with its first captain of the guard. See, the dwarves of the Ghostgates
-felt that amassing great wealth was a far more promising enterprise
-than joining the Fortress Guard, so the Captain took out his loneliness
-on the fortress' trade depot. Which had human merchants (and their
-wares) currently occupying it.
-The Captain was eventually put down when the rest of the dwarves didn't
-feel like coping with his bullshit, but as for the human
-merchants...they just sat there. For years. Finally, they disappeared.
-Six years passed without a wagon caravan from the human civilization.
-Four years of Ghostgates' hoards enlarging and caverns deepening. Its
-cup runneth over with ale, and the tables were buried under platters of
-plump helmets.
-And then the humans returned. At their head, a swordmaster, with about
-forty troops in tow. No warning. Ghostgates paid for its hubris. The
-token twelve military dwarves assembled at the ivory gates, brought
-their crossbows to bear, and were promptly RENDED INTO PULP by the
-human leader. He then proceeded to cut a swathe towards the river,
-where he HACKED THE BRIDGE IN TWAIN, leaving horrified "east enders" to
-starve while he painted the walls with the dwarves on the west side of
-the river.
-----
-===Town Astebkol===
-Town Astebkol was a dwarf fortress with a population hovering around a hundred dwarves. They have been at war with Damsto Rost, a powerful tribe of goblins, for most of the fortress’ existence. Astebkol has weathered three sieges, each more brutal than the last.
-====The First Siege of Astebkol====
-The first siege was more of a raiding party than a true siege. About ten dwarves foolish enough to remain outside after the goblins were sighted were killed by crossbow bolts. The goblins then reached the main gates, which were, conveniently enough, left open. Their charge through the gates was blunted by a large array of traps, significantly reducing their numbers before Astebkol’s fortress guardsmen stepped in. Two guardsmen broke their charge, and then chased them back to the river and out of Astebkol territory, felling two thirds of the remaining goblins on the way.
-====The Second Siege of Astebkol====
-The second siege didn't go nearly as well. By this time, Astebkol’s population was nearing one hundred and twenty. A human caravan (with whom the dwarves were looking forward to some very profitable trade) had just arrived on the edge of Astebkol lands when Goblins were sighted. Uh Oh. The dwarves figured that the humans would have little trouble dispatching the goblins, and then the goblins’ equipment would be free for the looting. Instead, ten goblins riding powerful beak dogs arrived with a godlike shaman as their leader. They made quick work of the surprised humans and their wagons.
-The goblins charged forward across Astebkol’s bridge. A couple dozen dwarves were drafted and they prepared to retreat into the mountain stronghold when they noticed that the goblins had a second wave of beasts inbound, TROLLS. A brief skirmish was fought outside the gates, with dwarf marksmen picking off several goblins and war dogs throwing themselves at the goblins with reckless abandon. Then the trolls arrived. They quickly destroyed the many outdoor workshops before joining up with the remaining goblins. The goblins and trolls charged the gates of my fortress, destroying the gates that stood in their way with ease. Fortunately, the dwarves had upgraded their traps since the First Siege of Astebkol, and most of the invaders were butchered. Three trolls managed to flee after carrying out some additional random destruction.
-The dwarves took roughly twenty seven casualties in the battle, and lost almost all of their war dogs. Thanks to the work of the Captain of the Guards, tantruming dwarves were dealt with quite efficiently. In addition, the supplies from the destroyed human caravan were gathered by a river of dwarves flowing to and from the edge of the map.
-====The Third Siege of Astebkol====
-It looked like the end for Astebkol. Damsto Rost arrived for the third time, this time committing their entire army. Seventy-Seven goblins arranged in five war bands, all riding beak dogs, with multiple mace lords, sword masters, elite bowmen and a master lasher. Two of the war bands approached from the north, while the three others approached from the south. In addition, the master thief Zom Ngerxungodan, leader of Damsto Ross, appeared. If all this was not worrying enough, they brought another five trolls with them.
-The battle began in earnest outside the gates of Astebkol, lands which had already been bloodied by two previous sieges. Nearly half the dwarves of Astebkol died skirmishing with the goblins outside of the fortress. The skirmish appeared to have been worthwhile, though, as two groups of goblins and the master lasher retreated after being bloodied by them.
-The real fighting happened in the sleeping quarters and in the main hallway. The bulk of the trained dwarves were stationed at the end of a long row of traps behind the main gates. The goblins quickly took the gate and stormed down the hallway, taking some casualties from the traps. A fierce battle ensued at the end of the hallway, and most of the dwarves were killed in the fighting. The dwarves managed to wipe out one group of goblins that attacked there and sent another into a hurried retreat. After that, the trolls emerged from a side passage. They had stormed through a more southern entrance, wreaking havoc throughout the fortress. They were wounded by traps by this point, and did not survive long in combat with battle hardened dwarven soldiers.
-Another group of goblins invaded from an entrance near the sleeping quarters, where the many wounded were already being kept. The fortress guards and the captain of the guard (a sword master) were fortunately already in the area, and a bloody battle ensued. Many of the wounded were massacred in their beds before the fortress guards could defeat the goblins. In the end, only one dwarf remained of the ten brave fortress guards and their captain, a Hammer lord named Tekkud Kelonam.
-Only twenty seven dwarves survived the battle, most of which were wounded to some degree, were imprisoned in the jail or were nobles hiding in the dining halls. Goblin, dwarf and dog bodies littered the barracks, entryway, workshops and bedrooms of the fortress. There were far too many bodies for the few remaining healthy dwarves to dispose, and as a result, the stench of rotting corpses filled the fortress.
-Damsto Ross lost many of her warriors that day, and her leader was captured in the battle. However, with the dwarves so severely weakened, it was at best a Pyrrhic victory. Astebkol limps on with the aid of dwarven immigrants, but it will take years to return her to her former glory.
-----
-===Oddom versus the Crocodile===
-Oddom Dodókònul was mining to the east of the cave river, searching for ore and gems.  The farmland on the west side of the river was, at the time being, deserted, aside from a single stray cat.  Suddenly, in the center of the southern farm, a cave crocodile sprung from ambush!  More specifically, it was an injured cave crocodile.  More specifically than that, an ''unconscious'' injured cave crocodile.  I don't exactly understand how it sprung from ambush while unconscious, but apparently it had.
-Though the crocodile was perfectly harmless in its current state, its appearance at the very least frightened Oddom enough to give him pause in his endeavors.  So, Oddom was drafted into a one-man militia, and he bravely and expediently tackled the situation.  He did not miss a step as he walked right past the crocodile and finished the beast with a single blow from his trusty pick.  Then, with the (admittedly minimal) threat handled, Oddom once again returned to his work across the river.
-Of course, he left the crocodile corpse for someone else to clean up.
-----
-===Ingish Nailswords' Departure===
-A tale of a Dwarven Hero, who's birth was mired in the death of a fortress, much like a phoenix from the ashes, or a maggot from a corpse. Kontun was the name of the city destroyed, and Ingish Nailswords the Survivor.
-Ingish Nailswords was a dwarf ordinary and stout seeming at first. A miner of great skill, he was eternally at the head of the pack to go deeper into the mountain, crossing the great underwater river, the first to cross the great chasm, that his pick might dig out the emeralds that laid across, and he only stopped at the river of lava for want of a bridge to cross. His skill in war became evident when, with great majestic skill, he did fight three Macaques that emerged from the wilderness, managed to hold off with others of his mining team the teeming Toadpeople from the river, and in single combat slay a crocodile. Yet, he was no legend among the people, he was an old and weathered relic from the Founding of Kontun.
-Until the day the madness came.
-It was a sweet day in summer, sticky wild with life and food. The mountain hall was at ease, the smiths laboring to produce fine new swords to sell to the short lived men that would come to the mountain. The Captain of the Guard relaxed in his opulent quarters, confident and fat, idly admiring his fine masterwrought axe. The tavern was busy this night, with many a dwarf ruddy nosed and pleasantly half cotton headed. But there was one in this idyllic scene who clashed; who's very heart beat an unwholesome tatoo. Thikut Patternabbey was his name, and thrice cursed the day he was born. He was a man of crafts, an original akin to Nailswords, but where Nailswords sought the permanence of mined rock, Thikut could see only the immortality in history. He was a crafter of bone at first, carving and shaping the subtle soft frames of flesh, but when he mastered that, he wanted only more. He built halls, he blew glass, he sought status, he farmed, he fished, he brewed, he did everything a dwarf could do, mastering each and wanting more.
-Perhaps it was the envy of never getting the power that he wanted, that he would dare strike a bargain with the Fey.
-A great work he did, aye, a fine and impressive work, requiring ingredients a plenty. But oh, what terrible ingredients.
-Melbil Actedmetals was a fine dwarfess, stolid member of the community, in fact, the Representative of the Order of the Axe. How ironic that her child would be used to make the finest axe ever seen across the Mythical Lands of the Griffon.
-Her laments and cries of rage filled the fortress when she discovered her only beloved child dead, upon the floor of the bone crafter's shop, torn open and gutted like a fish. The criminal was nowhere near at the time, his white and red bone axe, Muzishdeler, "Martyred Steel", clasped tight in his bloody hands.
-Twin killers, sparked by the same sin, one filled with glee, the other righteous rage, fell upon the fortress that night. Martyred Steel sang death and bloody joy to the ears of the unsuspecting dwarves, painting the halls and decorations bloody red. Actedmetals was in a berserk frenzy, lashing out at all that came across her. Slaying the Fortressguard, despite grievous injury, her gasping, torn and bloodied body leaning in the hallway, only too late could she see her son's killer, in his hands the bones of her beloved Otez. Slain among the bodies of those that she had killed in her terrible misdirected anger, one can only imagine the terrible crushing grief she had, before joining her son in the Allfather's hands.
-This entire time, Ingish had been alone, mining far, far, far down, in search of some new vein, some new challenge. He was unaware that the flames of chaos and war had consumed his beloved home.
-All around, the blood madness sang in dwarven hearts, halls splattered crimson again and again, as their minds, weakened with fear, succumbed to Muzishdeler's call. The Philosopher, Lanno, while trying to bring order was strangled to death by Ilral the Broker. The Duke Ilral Bodicedomains held a heroic last stand in his quarters, armed with naught but his fists against the mob of farmers baying for his blood. The Captain of the Guards, while trying to flee his doom was set upon by rabid Macaques, their terrible claws and piercing teeth ripping the living flesh off of his bones.
-Then, all was silent.
-The dying bled their last, joining the dead, while the fey possessed Thikut gazed on with joy upon his deeds, and walked out of the fortress, a rivulet of blood following him, crimson footsteps left behind on the grass.
-When Ingish came home to sleep, he paused at the doorway, the body of fair Melbil facing him, torn to pieces, a crude picture of an axe written in her blood. He paused considering the scene, and with heavy heart, closed her eyes and moved on to his quarters, where outside the dying House of Rash representative related the sorry tale. Ingish, again overcome, could do naught but pass on the fair fellow, stepping over the corpse of an unfortunate minor, and then got in his bed, and stared at the ceiling. Eventually, he fell to sleep, his world shattered.
-The next day, Ingish made an attempt at burying and cleaning the dead, looking for survivors, but soon realized it was futile. The burning brand of that day on his soul, Ingish turned aside, and left the fortress, never to return, axe in hand vowing revenge, and hoping one day, to meet the thrice damned Thikut, and slay him with the very instrument that he had betrayed his kith and kin with.
-Ingish still walks the world today, axe in hand, obsessively training and searching for the one that laid Kontun, "Master Door", to waste.
-====The Real Story====
-Okay, this all stemmed from my most successful game of Dwarf Fortress, in which I grew really awesome at producing crafts and selling them to humans for food (I never could get the hand of farming.). Anyway, Thikut was my awesome dwarf, the one that I obsessed over the most because he proved really good at everything he did. Ingish, I sorta got in my head was the retarded one, who would only be good at mining. To make a long story short, Thikut got possessed by fey, made a really awesome axe, (And randomly killed a dwarf while making it, no, it wasn't a bone axe, but a guy died somehow in the process), then my friggin' awesome warrior Order of the Axe Representative went nuts, along with Thikut, and the entire fortress fell into a bloody mess. I lost track of Thikut, he might have died, but Ingish was the only survivor. I found it really funny that Ingish just sorta stepped over everybody's corpses and went to sleep. I watched for a day out of fascination, but Ingish didn't really get affected all that much by the death of everyone else in the fortress. So, a little peeved, I abandoned the fortress and started up Adventure mode.
-The same name pops up, of "Ingish Nailswords". A fluke of luck to be sure, unless Toady sneakily put in some REALLY cool code thing, but I played him and am having immense fun in imagining the backstory of Ingish. Who knows, I might run into a Thikut Patternabbey soon.
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-===The Transmuted Greaves===
-One of my dwarfs was possessed and I watched him intently. The last few little fellows had either flung themselves into the river or stripped naked and starved to death.
-He seizes my only Clothes Making shop, and sets to work gathering ingredients. I keep hoping that he won't hit a snag and sit in his shop pouting, but he diligently gathers materials. Oddly enough, he doesn't go for any rope reed cloth or silk thread, that stuff is for making pansy clothes. He goes for the big guns, gorilla leather, cat bones, and horse bones. Odd materials to be making simple clothes out of to be sure.
-He begins his mysterious construction, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
-A few days later he reveals his masterpiece-
-"Seizedgreeds the Ace Duty of Glazes" a Gold Greaves.
-Wait, how did he forge golden armor out of leather and bone at a clothes makers shop? He didn't gain any legendary clothes making, leatherworking, bone carving, furnace operating, or armor crafting skill either, so I was fairly disappointed.
-Luckily the greaves are worth 112,800, which is roughly 1/4 the net worth of my fortress.
-Unfortunately the dwarf who made these greaves had since passed away in some unfortunate accident, and they are now being worn by my Expert Marksdwarf. Hopefully they offer some ungodly amount of protection.
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-===Kerligmosus===
-I have never been able to write narrative. However, taking screenshots at the same time every year proved within my capabilities, so here is a Pictorial Chronology of Kerligmosus, "Shellrooms".
-[[Chronology of Kerligmosus]]
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-===The Strange Case of Oddom Ulingmosus===
-A dwarven caravan came to Vabokilral, "Orbtreaty", around the middle of the warm autumn that preceded the mild winter of our second year in the fortress.  As such caravans are wont to, they brought with them bodyguards, three axedwarves.  As one of these axedwarves, a certain Oddom Ulingmosus, came into view, so too did one of the many gorillas that roam our countryside.  To shoo it from the caravan, Oddom made haste to attack it with his axe.  He chased it a short distance before laying the finishing blow, at which time another gorilla came into view; Oddom hefted his axe and made chase again.  Eventually the caravan crossed the river bridge and came to our trading depot, where they sold us several types of food (they drove too hard a bargain for us to relieve them of their dwarven cheeses).  They left before winter came, and we went back to work.  It was the next spring when one of our hunters, seeking gorilla meat for our legendary dining room, noticed the ground on the opposite side of the river was dotted with dead gorillas in various states of decomposition, and all bearing axe-marks.  The cause was eventually discovered: Oddom Ulingmosus the caravan guard had been roaming the countryside all winter (thank the dwarven gods that we built in such a warm locale!) in a state of absolute madness, hacking into pieces any gorillas he saw, and it seems any leopards or jaguars when he had the time.  He still roams the plains, axe in hand and insensate with strange rage.  I fear he will not rest until he is dead or every gorilla on the plains has breathed its last.
-(Sidenote: This dwarf is now Unbelievably Tough from this, and I hope he automatically takes it upon himself to be my first line of defense if I'm ever attacked from the west, because I'm pretty sure he could singlehandedly defeat my entire military in battle.)
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-=== How the Ultra-Mighty Have Fallen ===
-Id Smoothnessshot was as great a champion as the land had ever seen.  Her prowess in battle was legendary.  Her physique was flawless.  She could dwarfhandle an entire herd of elephants unarmed.  No foe had so much as winded the able Swordsdwarf for as long as anyone could remember.
-It was thus on one moonless night that her mighty ego bested her.  As a favor to the human mayor of Lakesvoiced, she had agreed to rid an ancient ruin of its evil ruler, Age Tomeslark.  However, she set out for the dire campus too late in the day, and was annoyed to find her quarry obscured by nightfall.  Rather than spend tedious hours combing the dewdamp earth for both her foes and the bejeweled trinkets that stirred their unbeating hearts, Id decided to disregard the low moans emanating from the unholy crypt and made camp instead.
-Id's ability to sleep was as titan as her prowess in battle.  Row after row of fleshless horrors descended upon the sleeping figure and rained blow after blow upon her until their bare bones threatened to unthread.  One or two even managed to raise the faintest of welts upon the flesh they so deeply resented.
-Id might have lived to tell the tale if not for the enterprise of one osseous apparition which placed a clammy grip upon her sword arm and wrenched the blade out of her fingers.  Raising its prize above its head, the bloodthirsty being brought the traitorous blade down upon the bold dwarf's neck, banishing the champion to the mightiest sleep of all.
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-===Batmen meet Wile E. Coyote===
-When I reached the chasm, I bridged it as usual.  The batmen came, of course, and knocked a few hapless dwarves off of the bridge before I managed to widen it enough to keep the bungee-jumping to a minimum. After hearing tales of chaining guard dogs to keep them handy, I posted a few canine watchmen. The batmen continued attacking, of course, but now with an amusing twist: since the dogs were attacking the bats while the bats were still flying over the chasm, the bats would fall to their doom just a few seconds after being grasped by the dogs. Those poor, poor batmen.... did they learn nothing from Looney Tunes?
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-===Yes, very serene===
-I had just started a new game. It was going pretty well, with my farm set up before the first summer and everything set up for the arrival of the first caravan. I had managed to make a few bone goods, hopefully to get a little more food out of the caravan.
-The caravan arrives as expected, with only one snag : a herd of unicorns. The mules and traders all pass through without fail, but the bodyguards decide that they need to remove this "roadblock" and cheerfully tried to massacre the offending herd. Try being to operative term.
-The caravan arrives at my trade depot, and start trading. Two bodyguards rejoin them, one having lost his life on the plains. One is wounded and the other didn't fight. Score for the other side : two dead unicorns.
-While going to the trading list, a few objects appear. The equipment of the dead dwarf. I end up trading two pieces of it back for the contents of the whole caravan. The merchants seem to think that's a good deal.
-Worse is : While going back, the only bodyguard not wounded decides that he needs to prove himself, and charges the herd. At odds of five against one. I don't need to tell you the result.
-The worst aspect is that : I chose this place for being "serene".
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-=== The madness of the Legendary Mason ===
-Sigun Shislikot claimed a mason's workshop, eventually creating the finest table in all dwarfdom. Some time later, he was struck with inspiration anew, and claimed the same shop. However, he was unable to procure the bones necessary for his creation, and eventually was driven mad.
-He stormed into the dining hall and struck one of the soldiers seated at the main table. The soldier stood, threw Sigun into the chair opposite, and hacked his head off. Blood sprayed everywhere, coating the table and the floor. The soldier resumed his interrupted meal with his now headless table guest.
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-=== I got better! ===
-Bomrek Morulokil was just emerging from his room one day after a long sleep, when a cave crocodile sprang from ambush. The surprised miner managed to put a pick through the crocodile's head, but not before losing his left lower leg to the beast's powerful jaws.
-Anxious dwarves surrounded him. They carried him into his room and brought him water, and food, and eventually, Bomrek felt strong enough to stand again. He hopped out of his room and headed for the dining room. Another dwarf spotted him and dragged him back into his room, without a word. Bomrek demanded to know why he was being thrown in bed, but the dwarf simply muttered, "recover wounded" and left him.
-Bomrek rose again, and hobbled out into the corridor. He had not gone ten feet when another dwarf saw him, and dragged him into a different room. Protesting loudly, Bomrek was thrown in bed.
-Poor Bomrek has been unable to leave the dormitory area of the fortress without being dragged back to a bed to recover. No one believes him when he says that he is ok. He almost made it across the chasm bridge once, but an alert Fortress Guardsdwarf tackled him and threw him in the barracks.
-(Probably a bug, but hilarious)
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-===Team Animal Squad===
-It was a peaceful day in the history of the dwarven outpost of Bibanbim, the 7 occupants sleeping cozily in their wooden beds, dreams of success and fame in their heads.
-Suddenly, out of the river, snakemen, 5 in all, rose out of the waters to feast upon these intruders.  And feast they would, if they had not run into one problem.
-Horses.
-The horses, willing to save their dwarven owners, charged towards the snakemen, killing two and wounding one by trampling them with their terrible hooves, however, a horse went down, and the others started getting injuries as well.  It seemed to be a stalemate.
-Until the Doggie Brigade arrived.
-The snakemen couldn't take it.  One tried to limp away, in sheer agony, before seeing that adorable, fuzzy face sink its teeth into an arm.  The snakeman screamed, and soon was no more.
-The next morning, the dwarves woke up to quite a sight.  There were 3 dead foals, a dead horse, a dead mule, 2 dead dogs and 2 dogs injured horribly.  However, despite the losses, the dwarves worked together to haul the corpses and clean the blood before any terrible miasma could set in.  Within moments, the fortress had returned to its normal, productive state.
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-===The Stampede===
-Once upon a time (24 Opal, 1057, to be exact), in the not-so-great dwarven stronghold Nilaval, "Hammerloved", deep beneath the temperate mountains of Zilirushul Arkoth, there was a farmer named Vucar Rashbesmar.  Vucar was not a very good farmer, but for some reason the cow, Unib Ostardoren, had adopted him as her keeper.
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